Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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