Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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