Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
