I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
