hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
