if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
