Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's always time for handjobs
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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