So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
