I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
