I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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