I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize