You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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