i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
