dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
