Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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