i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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