I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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