Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
