I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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