I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
