I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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