You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
