I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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