She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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