Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
