Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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