I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize