Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
