Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
