someone threw a dead crab at me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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