I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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