oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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