who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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