smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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