Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
