I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
