He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
