I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
