nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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