your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
