Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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