According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
