I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I faked an abortion last night.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
