i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
