Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
