im about as happy as oj after his trial
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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