Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
