Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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