She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
