You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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