Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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