I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
