I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
