I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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