I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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