Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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