I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
