I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize