You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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