I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
