Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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