i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
