watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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