saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
