Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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