how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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